“Anon, would you fuck my little sister?”

“What?!”

Bacon Sizzle, age eighteen, is now asking you, Anon, whether you would have sexual relations with his little sister Coconut Cream, age eight. At least, that’s what it sounds like he’s asking. As you raise an eyebrow in curiosity while he waits for your answer with a smug look on his face, you scoff awkwardly, trying to think of how he even came up with a question like that. Had you done something weird since you walked in? Had you spent too long talking to his little sister before the two of you went up to his room to have bro time?

“Naw, I’m just messin’ with you, dude,” Bacon Sizzle says before you can answer, allowing you to wipe a sweat drop from your forehead. It’s not that you’re attracted to his little sister at all, but at the same time, you want to avoid the possibility of being mistaken for being attracted to her, which would make things even weirder, especially since you hang out at his place all the time.

You and Bacon Sizzle have been friends since high school when everyone was making fun of you for having hands and walking on two feet, despite how in your world, your species would ride them just for fun. It was never really explained how you ended up there in the first place, but once you and Bacon Sizzle became friends, none of that other stuff really seemed to matter anymore. The two of you just accepted that that’s how reality apparently works sometimes, and even if you could change things around to put yourself back in your world, it wouldn’t necessarily be any better than the world you’re living in now.

“What would you have done if I said yes?” you reply at his terrible joke.

“Uhh, I would break your dick for one, and number two, I would never let you see her again.”

“...Again, I’m still not sure why you asked me in the first place. In fact, now that you’ve told me the consequences, even if I was attracted to your sister, I would still say no.”

“You’d better.”

Bacon Sizzle then proceeds by levitating a potato chip into his mouth while flipping over the page of his comic book as he lays comfily on his bed, leaving you sitting on the floor without snacks or entertainment. This was supposed to be a sleepover where the two of you do whatever bros do when they have a totally heterosexual bros night, but so far, it’s just been the two of you talking about random junk while you sit on the floor. Not that that’s bad or anything; in all honesty, with all the awkwardness that comes about when you’re a human living in a place where you’re the anomaly, it’s nice to actually just have a normal conversation every once in a while, like you’re just like everypony else. Oh, crap. Are you seriously starting to use the word “everypony” now too? As if this night could get any worse.

*Bzzzzzt! Bzzzzzzt!*

And here it comes!

“Hello?” Bacon Sizzle says, answering his cell phone with his horn, making you wonder how earth ponies could ever use those things. “Wait, tonight?! But this is so last minute! Are you sure Summer Breeze can’t… Oh, Summer Breeze has been in an accident? OK, uh… Yeah, I understand. I’ll be right there.”

Just as Bacon Sizzle hangs up his phone, though, he covers his face with his pillow and groans angrily. “Sounds like somepony had a fun conversation there,” you say with a jocular tone in your voice. “What’s going on?”

“That was my boss. Sorry, Anon, but it looks like the sleepover might not happen tonight. There was a last minute emergency and they need someone there to--SHIT!”

“Wow. Sounds pretty serious. You sure you’ve eaten enough chips for that?”

“No, don’t be weird.” Then, looking at his phone and back at the clock to his side, his face grows more and more nervous. “It’s Coconut Cream. I told my parents that you and me would stay here to babysit while they spend the night in Fillydelphia, but if I don’t go into work right now, I could lose my job!”

Suddenly, just as you were beginning to whine about how much your sleepover sucked, the fact that it’s beginning to unravel like this makes you legitimately disappointed that it’s coming to a close this soon. “Well, what time do you finish? Maybe she could go over to a friend’s house while I stay here and wait for you?”

“That’s it, Anon!” Bacon Sizzle exclaims, grabbing you by the shoulders with a shake.

“What’s it? Was that legitimately a good idea?”

“No! I mean, yes, but--Anyway, what if you babysat my kid sister while I went to work? I should be back by eleven and we can have an up all night party after that!”

When you had cleared up your busy schedule of not doing anything today, the last thing you had in mind was babysitting some eight year old filly while her brother was at work. How do you even entertain a kid like that? The first idea that comes to your head is to flat out tell him no so you can just spend the rest of the day back at your place, but even if you took off on him, that wouldn’t fix the problem of his sister needing supervision. He had invited you into his home, after all, and calling it a dick move would be an understatement if you bailed on him in his time of need just because you didn’t want to be bored for a couple hours.

With his grin widening and your shoulders slumping, you exhale a sigh and say, “Fiiine. Is there anything I should know before you take off, or…?”

“Yeah! Don’t let her burn down the house or die. I think that’s about everything.”

By this point, Bacon Sizzle is already making his way towards the front door, causing you to think that there might be something important that he’s glossing over. “Wait! Hold on a second! Am I supposed to cook her dinner or--?”

“Anon, you’ve hung out with me a hundred times by now. I’m pretty sure you know Coconut Cream better than anyone else I can think of, and if she needs anything, I’m pretty sure you would know how to take care of it. Besides, if she gets hungry at all, she’ll probably cook you something. That is her special talent, after all.”

“OK. Cool. So uh… see you at eleven?”

“Yup. See ya, Anon!”

Then, upon slamming the door in a haste, he leaves you alone in the house with his sister, making the nerves kick in despite the fact that all you have to do is literally just prevent a fire or death from happening. She hadn’t done either of those two things before, so there shouldn’t be any problem with it tonight, right? Still, though, even though it would take a borderline act of Celestia for something to go wrong in the next couple hours while Bacon Sizzle is at work, it still feels like you need to check up on her, just to make sure everything’s OK. The last thing you want is your negligence to end up being the cause of your best friend’s parents getting a divorce or something similarly unrealistic.

As you tiptoe your way into the living room, you see a small filly with a light cyan coat, a pink and green mane, and a coconut pie cutie mark sitting on the sofa, flipping through a book. ‘Good,’ you think, turning your back to head up the stairs again. ‘She’s just reading. There’s no way she could cause any trouble just by reading… But what if she’s reading a book on anarchism? Isn’t that what foals these days are into? What if it’s some kind of communist agenda book? Her brother would hate you forever!’

“Heeeeeeeyyyy, Coconut Cream!” you say, entering the room. “Whatcha reading there?”

“Princess Twilight gave me her friendship journal!” she replies with excitement, despite never taking her eyes off the text. “I’m just learning about the time she couldn’t come up with a lesson she learned about friendship, so she ended up making a friendship problem.”

“Oh, I remember that story! Yeah, Twilight was better before she got wings.” This time, Coconut Cream pulls herself away from her book just to give you a weird look before going back to reading silently. The unexpected response along with the sudden silence, however, begins to fill you with self-consciousness, making you believe that if you don’t somehow turn the conversation around, she’ll tell her brother how she hated being babysat by you. “Soooooo… Do you… like reading?”

“Yup.”

Coconut Cream flips a page, somehow making the situation even more awkward.

“Do you have any… favorite books?”

“Not really.”

Again, she flips a page, but this time, you know she did it just to piss you off! Her smile isn’t fooling you! There’s no way a filly can read that fast! In fact, if she thinks she can just toy with your anxiety like everypony else you went to high school with, you’ll just have to keep on bugging her until she’s tired of subtly making fun of you. That’ll totally make her respect your authority as babysitter of the house!

“Do you have any friends at school?”

“Yup. Do you?”

That bitch!

“Well, there’s your brother Bacon Sizzle, for starters. Then there’s Paisley Stripes, and… uh… I-Indigo Plateau…”

At this point, Coconut Cream takes her head out of her book with concern in her face, closing the contents as she raises an eyebrow. “Are you feeling OK? I feel like you just made that last name up from somewhere.”

“Oh, you don’t know Indigo Plateau? He’s my pal.”

The filly’s eyes begin to grow more suspicious. “You know that Indigo is a girl’s name, right?”

“OH! Well, uh… he just recently became a boy. It was actually a big event at school. There were fireworks and everything. You shoulda been there.”

With her book now closed, Coconut Cream breathes out a long sigh, hopping off of the couch to get a better look at you, despite how far back she needs to lean her neck just to see you. “Anon, I’m starting to worry about you. Are things going OK with you and my brother? I know he can be a little bit of a blockhead sometimes, but I really hope you two don’t end up fighting. You’re kind of the only friend he has ever since he graduated from high school.”

“What? Oh, no! No. It’s nothing like that.” You try laughing it off, but as this filly’s expression of concern continues to penetrate your self-image, the fake chuckles coming out of your mouth begin to sound less and less convincing. “I just realized that I spend so much time with him that I never really get a chance to know you, like the real you. Is there anything troubling you these days? Any boy troubles I can help you out with?”

With her face contorting in disgust more than ever, she shakes her head and says, “I’m… going to go use the bathroom.” You can’t let her just leave on that note, though! Just think of what kind of ideas her brother would have if he found out you were trying to talk romance to his sister while the two of you were all alone! He would think you’re a total creep with no friends, so to prove that you’re not, you follow her to the bathroom, waiting outside patiently just in case she needs help with anything.

“Just let me know if you need some extra toilet paper or… something.” As soon as you try talking to her through the door, though, the sink in the bathroom turns on, draining out any noise that either of you might hear from the other side of the door. “So how are your grades doing?”

“Go away, Anon.”

She can’t just tell you what to do like that! You’re the head of the household here! You’re the one who tells her to go away…! Well… probably not in this exact circumstance, but she still has no right to boss you around just because her brother isn’t there to set her straight! In fact, as soon as she steps out of that bathroom door, you’re going to tell her straight up that you’re in charge, and if she doesn’t listen to you, you’re going to put her in timeout and take away her phone!

The very next moment, the sinks turn off, and as you turn your back, you see Coconut Cream walking out of the restroom with an annoyed look on her face, which you're not about to tolerate. “Did you wash your hooves?”

“Seriously, Anon? I'm not a baby.”

“Then why am I here to babysit you?”

Suddenly, just as Coconut Cream begins walking away, she freezes instantly, turning around slowly to give you an accusatory stare, making you gulp in hopes that you hadn't fucked up. “What do you mean ‘babysit’?”

“Uh… When I say babysit, what I'm really trying to say is… uh…” Yup. You screwed the pooch. No matter what you tell her at this point, there's no denying the fact that you had somehow struck a sensitive chord, and when her brother comes home, he's probably gonna be pissed. “You know what? Why don't I get you some icecream?”

“I thought you were here to hang out with my brother! You're telling me that he doesn't even trust me enough to be alone in the house by myself, so he asked you of all creatures to babysit me?”

“You know, the way you said that was kind of hurtful considering I just offered to buy you icecream…”

Despite your bribes to make her feel better, Coconut Cream groans angrily, stomping her way back to the living room without so much as looking at you. You need to turn things around before she gets angry at her brother who will then get angry at you, but so far, it seems like all you've managed to accomplish is making an awkward situation worse. As she gets back onto the sofa and angrily flips through her book again, though, she makes an obvious effort not to look back in your direction, creating an even harsher feeling in the air.

You want to say something that'll make things all better while still maintaining your authority as head of the household, but as you take a seat next to her on the couch, you can't think of a single thing that'll change how angry she is. “Listen,” you say, making her glare down at her book harder. “I don't want you to think that your brother doesn't trust you.”

“If he trusts me so much then why are you here? I thought he left already.”

“Yeah, but I'm just waiting for him to get back. I promise he's not paying me to be here or anything.” At this point, Coconut Cream is at least glancing in your direction, which you take to mean that you're somehow making this situation better, even though you still aren't a hundred percent there yet. “Your parents just made him promise that he wouldn't leave you home alone. Like what if you needed something?”

Finally, her glare is beginning to soften, and in the next couple of moments, she's looking back at you with her beautiful honeyglaze eyes… which you definitely aren't attracted to! Then, with a sigh, she says, “I'm sorry I snapped at you, Anon. I'm just so tired of everypony treating me like I can't take care of myself! I have a cutie mark, after all! What do they think is gonna happen? I'm gonna burn the house down and die?”

“...To be fair, your cutie mark does involve using the oven.”

Just as Coconut is about to go back to reading her book, she turns right back towards you, pointing her hoof in your face. “You see what I mean?!”

“You're right. You're right. You wouldn't have a cutie mark in something you couldn't be responsible with. Maybe we should just change the subject altogether.”

Suddenly, you see a small smile stretch up her cheek, making you breathe a small sigh of relief knowing that even if you screwed up before, hopefully this means it won't matter anymore. “Soooo what was that you were saying about icecream?”

Crap. Time to spend money. At the same time, though, her smile is so adorable that you don't mind spending a couple bits, like keeping her smiling suddenly matters more to you than anything else in the world. Either that or you realize just how much you're also in the mood for a snack after Bacon Sizzle ate all those chips in front of you. Probably the latter. Coconut Cream's beautiful smile sooo does not matter to you.

“That'll be twelve bits, please.”

Twelve bits for some stupid sundae that the two of you are just going to share anyway?! What kind of Marxist establishment are the Cakes running in this town to where they can justify taking advantage of their monopoly on all icecream establishments in Ponyville?! In fact, you're about to send it back and tell them never mind right about the same time as you see Coconut Cream looking back at you with another smile, waiting patiently for her frozen treat. Then, with a sigh, you pull out the coins from your pocket and place them on the counter, silently vowing to never return to this place ever again… unless Coconut Cream makes you come back.

“Thank you for your patronage!”

“Yeah, whatever. Coconut! I got us vanilla and chocolate swirl. Don't make fun of me, but I wasn't excited about any of the other flavors.”

The minute you place the bowl of icecream on the table, however, her eyes glow at the dessert in front of her, a response you would never expect when the Cakes had literally twenty-nine flavors to choose from. “How did you know that those two were my favorite flavors?” she asks, making you shrug in legitimate confusion.

“I guess after hanging out with your brother as long as I have, it just sorta comes naturally at this point.”

Rather than paying attention, however, she is already beginning to dig into her sundae, smiling wider after every bite, and if you don't start taking some initiative, she may very well finish it off before you get the chance to have any. At the same time, though, part of you wants to let her enjoy it as much as she would like, partly because you want her to like you and partly because you secretly want to keep seeing that cute face she’s making. It’s like with every bite she takes, she ends up smearing chocolate and vanilla all over her mouth, making it look like a clown did her makeup for her, but her enthusiasm is too intense to slow her down in the slightest.

Finally, though, just as she’s about to put another spoonful of icecream into her mouth, she stops midway with her mouth wide open and looks in your direction, making you quickly look away, hoping she didn’t notice you staring. “Are you gonna eat too, Anon?”

Well, that’s what you had anticipated when you spent the twelve bits to buy the dang thing in the first place, but how can you take sweets away from an even sweeter little girl? Then, however, you realize that icecream equals cavities and cavities equal her brother getting pissed at you. Plus you spent twelve freaking bits just to buy this thing!!

“Y-yeah!” you say, picking up a spoon and beginning to eat yourself while trying to hold down the brain freeze that’s already starting to burn on the inside. “OK, actually I can see why the Cakes charge twelve bits for these things now. This is actually delicious.”

“Anon… Are you OK?”

“Yeah, the brain freeze went away. Why?”

As soon as you look back up from your dessert, however, you see that her adorable smile has been replaced with an expression of concern, making you wonder whether eating was a good idea after all. “It’s just… you’ve been looking at me weird. Is there something on my face or something?”

A shitload of melted icecream, yes.

“S-sorry, Coconut Cream. I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind recently.”

Just as the filly puts another spoonful of vanilla in her mouth, she tilts her head and asks, “Really? Like what?”

Stop with the freaking cross-examination! “Like how you shouldn’t talk with your mouth full.”

Coconut Cream rolls her eyes, gulping down the icecream with a satisfying sigh, opening her mouth to reveal that all the white liquids in her throat had gone down to her stomach. Just as soon as you realize you’re staring again, though, you physically flinch backwards, trying to play it off like you weren’t just lewding Bacon Sizzle’s sister in your mind. Unfortunately, though, you can see from her new expression as she puffs her cheeks in a pout that you really need to work on hiding your mental awareness better.

“Come on, Anonnnn!” she desperately pleas, grabbing your arm and pulling almost urgently. “Tell meeee!”

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“Hmm…” Now for some reason, Coconut Cream is beginning to ponder your statement, putting her hoof to her chin while her tongue sticks out of her mouth. “Fine. I’d like pink daffodils at my service, and I want it to be on a Saturday so all my friends can come.”

Putting your head into your hands as your sudden headache begins to overwhelm your senses, you let out a groan, trying to figure out a way for you to weasel yourself out of this conversation. Unfortunately, though, Coconut Cream seems to be legitimately good at getting what she wants, which you hope isn’t going to lead to an even larger request before Bacon Sizzle comes home.

“Alright,” you say, taking your head out of your hands and placing them on the table. “I was thinking about you.”

Just as Coconut Cream is about to put another spoonful of icecream into her mouth, however, she stops halfway to give you a raised eyebrow. “Me?”

“Yeah. Just because… You know, I hang out with Bacon Sizzle all the time, but I barely get the chance to ever talk to you. I was just wondering why we never do stuff like this more often…”

Finally, after a small giggle, she puts the icecream in her mouth and eats it up, smiling the whole time while her cheeks begin to grow a shade of red. “Bacon Sizzle would never let you.”

“Sure he would. Why wouldn’t Bacon Sizzle let us do this?”

“Because this is a date.”

“Shut up. This is a what?”

Suddenly, you see an overweight mare begin to look over her shoulder, giving you the dirtiest glare before you shoo her away with your hands, making her shake her head as she turns back around. Coconut Cream, however, seems oblivious to the mare behind her and tilts her head, taking another bite of what is easily becoming her icecream sundae.

“Think about it,” she says, even though you don’t want her to. “You brought me to an icecream shop, bought my favorite two flavors, and now the two of us are eating it alone. What else would that be?”

You quickly look around the room just to make sure there are no ponies wearing FBI uniforms, but after confirming that you’re safe for the moment, you lean in towards the filly and whisper, “This isn’t a date! This is just me taking my friend’s sister out to get something to eat while he and his parents are away.”

“On a Friday night?”

Then, looking around the shop again, you find that other than the overweight mare at the table in front of you, all the other ponies are couples, sharing their own desserts just like you’re doing with Coconut Cream. You then turn back to the filly to somehow deny her claims yet again, but she just puts the last bite of icecream into her mouth, raising her eyebrow as she gives you a smug smile. You can’t tell whether she legitimately wants this to be a date or if she just enjoys making you suffer, but whatever she’s doing, it seems to be working pretty well for her.

“This isn’t a date!”

“Does that mean you aren’t going to walk me home?”

Again, the mare in front of you turns her head to the side to hear your answer, just so she can give you another disapproving gaze. “Will you stop eavesdropping on us, already?! Jeeze! If I seriously catch you looking back at us one more time, I will call Seaworld and get them to take you back to their whale exhibit. Actually, you know what, Coconut? Let’s take you back home.”

You’re sad that you didn’t get to experience much of the sundae you bought, which actually turned out to be worth the money, but anything would be worth getting away from this awkward misunderstanding. With Coconut Cream placing her spoon onto the bowl and licking the melted treat off of her lips, she quickly hops off of her chair and stands by your side while nudging your waist. When you look down to see what’s up, though, you see another devilish grin, which no doubt means that she’s probably going to crack another stupid joke about this totally platonic situation.

“Soooo are you gonna hold my hoof the rest of the way back?”

Then, with your cheeks growing red, you look away from the filly angrily, holding out your hand as you say, “Fine, but only because I can’t trust you to not get hit by wagons or something.”

“Thank you, Anon!~”

You’re still refusing to look down at her, but you can audibly hear the wink in her voice, and at that point you know that she’s going to dedicate the rest of the night to making you the butt of her jokes. “Bacon Sizzle, please come home early…”

“Well, that was fun!” Coconut Cream exclaims, jumping backwards onto the sofa in the living room while you exhaustedly sit by her side. “Thanks again for the date!”

Sadly to say, but the entire trip home was basically her teasing you about how romantic your night was. From the moment you first opened the door for her at Sugarcube Corner, she began complimenting you on how chivalrous you are, which was only further solidified when you pulled her out of the way right as soon as some jackhole with a wagon was about to splash her as it raced over a puddle beside you. Plus, to make matters worse, some purple mare got intoxicated and started doing some weird stuff in the middle of the street, and as soon as you put your hands over her eyes, she started to giggle like you were taking her someplace special. Even as you passed by a couple kissing at a coffee shop on the way home, she didn’t need to do anything other than smirk to send you the message that that could be you two right now. Even if you wanted to, though, there’s no way she would kiss you back… which is unimportant since there’s no way you would ever kiss her.

“It wasn’t a date, Coconut,” you say, burying your head into your hands as you lean over in exhaustion.

“So! What are the two of us gonna do next?”

“I don’t know. What do you normally do for fun?”

Coconut Creams then sits up and puts a hoof to her chin as she thinks pensively for a moment. “Let’s see… Well, I like to bake.”

“We just had icecream. What else?”

“Hmm… I like hopscotch.”

“Too dark to do that outside, and before you ask, no, there’s no way we’re doing it in the house.”

“Dang it.” She seems legitimately disappointed about that last part, but she continues to think regardless. “We could… talk about you?”

You raise an eyebrow, but since you haven’t flat-out rejected her yet, she seems to keen up to the idea, as if the plan is already set in stone. It isn’t like there’s anything wrong with talking about yourself. It’s just kinda weird that the first pony who legitimately seems to want to hear about your life is your best friend’s kid sister, and even Bacon Sizzle has never gone out of his way to make you the focal point of a conversation before. Still, though, you feel like she can think of a better idea, but just as you open your mouth to deny her request, she cuts you off with her own decision.

“That settles it!” she says happily. “Now, tell auntie Coconut Cream aaaalllll there is to know about you.”

“Like what? What do you want to know?”

“Liiiike do you have a girlfriend?”

Wow. She didn’t waste a second on that one. “You know what? Why don’t we talk about you instead?”

“Sure. My name’s Coconut Cream. I like to bake and play hopscotch. My best friend is Toola Roola, even though we get into fights sometimes. I’m doing good in school, and my favorite colors are pink, green and magenta. And no, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Before you can even think of a proper retort, she gives you a smug grin, further communicating that there’s no way for you to get out of whatever awkward questions she’s going to be asking you. “OK. That was quick. Anyway, no, I don’t have a girlfriend. It’s kinda hard to get mares to like me when I’m not even the same species as them.”

“A girl in my class has a crush on a dragon.”

“...Is that weird? Like, it feels like that should be weird, but I’m still not exactly sure what the societal norms in Equestria are yet.”

Coconut Cream giggles femininely, making your heart skip a beat for some reason that you don’t quite understand. “Have you ever kissed a girl before?”

“Uhh… uhh… W-what about you? Have you ever kissed a boy before?”

“Yup!”

OK, you’re pretty sure that this is weird even by Equestrian standards. In your world, if a girl has kissed a boy by the age of eight, she’s usually pregnant by age twelve, but in this world, romantic affection seems almost looked down upon in society. As you contort your face trying to figure out how to interpret the details she’s told you, though, she immediately falls back onto the couch, holding her sides in laughter while you look back in confusion.

“I don’t get it,” you say. “Was it a classmate or…?”

“It’s so much fun teasing you, Anon. The only boy I’ve ever kissed is my brother.”

“...Like in an Alabama kind of way or…?”

Finally, her giggles begin to die down as she lifts herself back up to a sitting position, still smiling wide as she looks back at you with her beautiful amber eyes. “I don’t know what that means, but I kissed him on the cheek if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Ohhhhh. OK. That… makes me feel better.”

“Soooooo? What about you? Have you kissed anypony before?”

“Nope. I guess I just haven’t gotten around to doing that yet.”

“Did you wanna try with me?” Your face quickly turns back towards Coconut Cream’s as she flutters her eyelashes at you, smiling seductively to the point where you can’t tell if she’s serious or joking. Does she want to actually kiss you just so she can tease you some more, or is she just trying to see if you’ll say yes, in which case she’ll tease you some more? Obviously, the only logical answer in this situation would be to tell her no, which would save you not only from the Equestrian Secret Services, but also from whatever embarrassment that would come afterwards. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell my brother.”

You then scratch your head awkwardly. “Is that really a question you should be asking me?”

“Sure. I think you’re cute.”

At this point, you feel like punching your dick until your hormones stop betraying you. There’s no way you can take her up on her offer no matter how many nice things she says to you, but at the same time, you’ve legitimately never had anyone ever call you cute before. She did say she wouldn’t mention it to her brother, and it isn’t like anypony is around to find out about it… But none of that should matter! She’s a filly! She’s your best friend’s sister, and oh, yeah, in case you’ve forgotten already, he already said that he would cut your dick off and never let you see her again if you tried anything with her. Or… at least he said that’s what he would do if you had sex with her, and even then, that’s only if he found out…

You gulp audibly, looking down at the filly with a face that manifests your conflicting emotions while she waits patiently for your answer, smiling femininely as your breathing picks up. “Hold on,” you say, holding up your hand as a barrier. “Let’s just say we did theoretically k-kiss. Would you stop teasing me after that?”

At least this way, you can find out if she was asking just to make fun of you, and if she isn’t joking, there’s no way she can make a promise like tha--

“I promise.”

Oh, crap! Ohhhhh crap, crap, crap, crap! That is not the answer you were expecting! Now that you’ve basically already committed, though, how are you supposed to get out of it now?! How are you going to tell her that no matter how cute she is, there is no way you’ll be able to kiss those perfect lips of hers? How are you going to tell her that even though she has the prettiest face out of all the girls in Ponyville, you won’t be able to run your fingers through her mane as the two of you embrace each other’s mouths? How are you going to let her know that even though your face is coming in closer to hers and your eyes are beginning to close, the two of you won’t be able to share that magic moment when the two of you lock lips for the first time, forgetting that the rest of the world even exists?

As you begin to work out the details in your head, however, your body takes action for you, bringing your mouths together as the two of you breathe in heavily through your noses. Your heart is starting to beat through your chest, completely forgetting about all the consequences of your actions as you let her small lips explore yours, breaking apart momentarily just to come back together. She seems so timid in her lack of experience, yet still so forward as she attacks your mouth with confidence, leaving cute, hard pecks against your lips while you attempt to ease her into your own sensual method. As she leans in forward to kiss you, she leans her whole body weight against yours, pressing your whole head back as you laugh on the inside, holding her around the waist as the two of you finally break to open your eyes once again.

The teasing eyes that she had before are gone, leaving a timid filly with a small amount of self-consciousness combined with youthful adventurousness as she bites her lower lip, waiting for your reaction. Just as you begin to move your mouth to talk again, however, you start laughing nervously, still able to feel the sensation of her lips pressed against yours even after you’ve stopped. Upon hearing you laugh, however, she begins to smile, giving you the most beautiful grin that has made your heart stop all night long.

“Was I…” she begins. “...Was I OK?”

“Hmm… I didn’t really get a good read on it the first time. Do you promise not to tell anypony if we do it again?”

With a smile on her face, however, without even needing to give her answer, she leans forward and presses another kiss on your lips, and just like before, the two of you are exploring each other’s mouths. As she allows her lips to travel where you guide her, she gradually begins to learn how to kiss you back, placing slow, methodical kisses against your mouth rather than the rough pecks when she was first getting started. You then run your fingers through her mane, allowing your fingertips to gently brush past her neck, causing her to physically shiver as her kisses grow more violent again. Then, while her hoof runs up your chest, you slowly allow your tongue into her mouth, causing her eyes to shoot wide open, temporarily breaking what was an otherwise unbelievable first kiss.

“Sorry,” you say, giving her a minute to catch her breath. “I didn’t go too far, did I?”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” she says, blushing brightly and looking away with a smile that she’s obviously trying to hide. “I guess… you just surprised me.”

“Oh. Is that bad…?”

Finally, shaking her head with a smile she’s not trying to hide, she looks back into your eyes, just to close them again and place another long kiss against your lips. “I like surprises, and you’re a pretty surprising guy, Anon.”

Suddenly, your brain starts putting two and two together. “Wait… does that mean…?”

“Maybe,” she replies with a small giggle as her smile grows wider than she would probably like to admit. “I think I might… maybe… sorta… like you.”

Wait! Is this good or bad?! On the one hand, if her brother or literally anyone else in Ponyville finds out that she has a crush on you, your balls will be chopped off before you’ll ever get to use them again. On the other hand, though, you’ve been trying to hide the fact that you’ve had a small crush on her this whole night, and now that she’s actually admitting it, you actually feel… good! Like for once in your life, your heart can actually feel connected to someone else without being crushed instantly the second you come back to reality. The reality is that the girl you like… actually likes you back, and even though she’s just a filly, that missing part of you that you came into the house with suddenly doesn’t feel so empty anymore.

“So…” she continues, causing you to break your train of thought and actually focus on the girl in your arms. “Is it bad that I like you? I mean, I know you’re my brother’s best friend and all.”

“What? No! There’s nothing wrong with that!” So long as nopony mentions what the law says. “In fact, I’m actually glad that I’m getting to spend some time alone with you for a change.”

Again, her signature smile shows up on her face, melting your heart all over again. “You wanna come see my room?”

And now you’re reaching a level of illegal that would make Tirek crap his pants.

“Sure,” you say, ignoring your better judgement. After all, you can justify it since her brother would probably want you playing tea parties in there anyway, just to make sure she isn’t using her easy bake oven to burn down the house. At least, that’s the justification in your head, and since she’s already leading you up the stairs, you need to hope that you’re right in your assumption.

Once the two of you arrive in her room, it’s basically the typical kind of bedroom you would see from any filly, with light green walls, a pink ceiling and magenta bedsheets, utilizing all of her favorite colors. She has toys scattered in the corner of her room underneath her window covered by translucent, pink curtains, and the whole interior has a small hint of lemon to it, giving you a sense of relaxation that soothes your jittery nerves. Then, as soon as the two of you enter into her bedroom, she closes the door behind you and falls onto her bed, lying back and sighing as you sit down on the bed next to her.

“So how do you like it?” she asks, sitting up with plenty of energy.

“It’s very… pink.”

“Well, duh! I’m a girl!”

“Prove it.”

Coconut Cream then flinches with a playfully confused look on her face, making you hope that you didn’t come off as too strong, especially since you were really joking the whole time. At least… you hope you were joking.

“Aaaaand how am I supposed to do that without… you know?”

“Nevermind. I’ll just believe you. That was a terrible joke.”

Just as soon as you try to change the subject, however, Coconut apparently sees another way to mess with you, which you can see in her arrogant face as she leans in closer. “Well, how am I supposed to know that you’re really a boy?”

“You’re not. I was actually a girl the whole time. I bet you feel sooooo embarrassed right now.”

She, however, doesn’t seem to think you’re quite as funny the second time, glaring back at you now with her cheeks puffed out. “What’s the matter? Are you scaaaaaared?”

“Yup. Totally scared. You caught me. Hey! Is that a Captain Oats action figure?”

“Anon!” Just as you begin getting up from the bed to take her attention somewhere else, though, she blurts out your name, seemingly legitimately angry this time. “Come on. Tell me the truth.”

Finally, with a sigh, you sit back down on her bed, placing your arm around her waist as she leans into your side, running her hoof up your chest while the two of you look down at the floor. “The truth is…” you begin, not exactly sure how to tell her the whole truth, seeing as how you’re not exactly sure of the whole truth yourself. “...I guess I really am scared.”

“Of what? Me?” Once you look down into her sparkling, golden eyes, however, she has nothing but concern for you in her face, making this whole conversation that much more difficult.

“No! No, it’s nothing like that. I’m just scared about what would happen… if somepony found out…”

“Found out what, Anon?”

“If they found out…” You bite your lip and squeeze your eyes closed, hoping you don’t regret this next sentence for the rest of your life. “...that I like you too.”

There’s silence for several seconds, making you immediately worry that somehow liking her back isn’t what she wanted to hear, but once you finally get the courage to look back into her face, you see that her cheeks to her muzzle are all a bright crimson. Actually, the green in her mane along with the redness glowing in her face makes her look like a hearth’s warming tree, which she tries to hide by turning her gaze away and placing her hooves over her muzzle. You can’t help but wonder if her heart is beating as fast as yours right now, but if it is, one of you will probably need to call an ambulance soon.

“Is that OK?” you ask, but just as soon as you do, she turns her face back towards yours and plants another hard kiss on your lips before returning her hooves to her lap and staring down at the floor.

“I promise I won’t tell anypony.”

“You… You do?”

“Mhmm! Any secret you have is safe with me!”

Crap. Why did she have to say that?! Now all of a sudden, you want to start the conversation back up right where it left off, when you tried to take her mind off of the fact that she was basically trying to get you to do a strip show. The fact of the matter is, you want to do that more than anything else in the world, and the main thing that’s holding you back is the idea that maybe somepony else will find out about it. She just said, though, that any of your secrets are safe with her, which roughly translates to: she won’t tell if you don’t.

“Then… do you still want me to prove I’m a boy?”

Coconut Cream’s smile suddenly disappears, making you yet again worry that you’ve said the wrong thing, but with her chest rising and falling much more visibly, she looks down to your crotch and back up into your eyes. Then, with another visible breath, she slowly nods her head, making her cheeks grow redder.

You have to admit, this situation is making you have second thoughts, but despite what your common sense is telling you, despite how much your brain is telling you what a bad idea this is, you get onto your feet and slowly slide your belt off of your jeans. Coconut Cream continues to watch intently, breathing more quickly as you pull the button off of your pants and slide them down to your legs, revealing only one piece of fabric left hiding your most private possession. Even then, though, the garment doesn’t do a good job of hiding what’s inside, allowing a large crease up the middle to shadow the outline of your genitalia along with a small pink spot subtly peaking out the top. Once you look back at Coconut to get her final permission, she looks into your eyes and gulps before slowly nodding her head one more time, giving you the final permission to pull down your underwear, showing her what a penis looks like for the first time.

Her eyes immediately become entranced in your anatomy, dropping her mouth as she looks you down from the tip of the head down to your balls below, making her giggle from the sight. “It looks so weird!” she says with a light-hearted giggle, unknowingly hurting your feelings.

“They all look like these!”

“Really? Are you sure yours isn’t just more funny-looking than everypony else’s?”

Oh, right. Technically yours does look a little bit different than a stallion penis, but she doesn’t need to know that part just yet in her life. Besides, she’s glossing over the part that you’ve been secretly excited for.

“I promise my penis looks normal.” Coconut Cream immediately places her hoof over her mouth, giggling hysterically at the sensitive word you said so casually. “But… you know… Now that we both know that I’m really a boy…”

The filly in front of you then raises an eyebrow with a presumptuous grin, rolling her eyes yet again at your borderline idiotic ways of communicating with her. “You want me to prove that I’m a girl, then?”

You gulp, shaking internally. “Yes.”

“And you promise not to tell anypony? Not even my brother?”

Especially not her brother!

“I promise.”

“OK…” Finally, the moment you’ve been waiting for. She then turns around and slowly lifts her tail into the air, revealing a small slit between her back thighs as well as a small opening above it, making your dick grow to twice its normal size. Her pussy and butthole are gorgeous already, emanating a portrait of tightness that drive your cock crazy, but the main thing that seals it for you is Coconut Cream’s shy face in the background, blushing brightly while she sticks her backside in the air to show you her most intimate areas. “You’d better not laugh!”

“Why would I laugh?” you ask, trying not to accidentally chuckle at the question. “You’re beautiful. All of you is beautiful.”

As Coconut lowers her tail and returns to a sitting position, her blush remains strong, avoiding eye contact while she femininely brushes through her mane with her hooves. “You… You mean it?”

“Of course, Coconut.”

The two of you look into each other’s eyes again, falling into probably your most passionate kiss so far. This time, she’s the one who puts her tongue in your mouth, surrounding your tastebuds with the flavor of her saliva, which still has the discreet taste of vanilla icecream. Then suddenly, you find yourself pressing her down onto her bed, getting on top of her and pushing your tongue harder into her mouth as she finally submits to your will, allowing you to take full range over her lips and tongue. Meanwhile, she wraps her hooves around your waist, gripping you tight and gently pressing her hips forward whenever your tongue reenters her mouth, which makes you suddenly pull yourself off of her and look down. Surely enough, as soon as you look between her legs, you see a small wet spot on her bedsheets from her glistening fillyhood, making you scratch your head in confusion.

“Coconut Cream… are you horny?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

Great. Time to teach her about even more sexual content.

“But…” she continues, “...sometimes I start to feel really weird down there. Like… right now I feel a little wet. Is that what horny is?”

“Yeah, that’s basically it.”

“Does that mean that boys don’t get horny, then?”

“We do! It’s just a little different than when it happens to girls.” Coconut Cream then tilts her head, making you droop your shoulders, knowing that you’re going to have to explain every last detail to her. “Like, when it happens to boys, our penises--don’t laugh--get really big and hard. You see, like mine right now is big and hard.”

“Does that mean you’re horny too?”

You hadn’t even noticed that you were leading yourself right into that question, but with a gulp, you nod your head. “Yeah… I’m horny…”

“So, what do we do when that happens?”

At this point, you really start to debate with yourself as to whether or not you really want to keep going forward with what you’re doing. On the one hand, if anypony were to find out, you know exactly what would happen to you, but on the other hand, not only did she promise to keep your secret safe, but this was also the one chance you were going to get to do what you wanted with who you wanted to do it with. She’s officially horny. She’s agreeing to everything you’re asking for, not out of fear or a desire to impress you, but because this is legitimately what she wants to do with you deep down. Now are you really going to pass up on this once in a lifetime opportunity just because you’re afraid that somepony is looking through a crystal ball and seeing everything that the two of you are doing?

Finally, allowing your arousal to conquer your fears, you look seriously into Coconut Cream’s radiant eyes and say, “I’ll tell you, but you need to promise to let me know if at any time you get uncomfortable, OK?”

Coconut Cream, though, gives you the same gentle smile that you seem to have fallen in love with, giggling femininely at the same time. “I could never feel uncomfortable with you, Anon.”

“I’m serious, Coconut. I need you to really promise that you’ll feel comfortable enough telling me if you want to stop at any point.”

With a final roll of the eyes, however, Coconut Cream gets up on her hind hooves so that she can grab you by the shoulders and place one more kiss on your lips, looking deep into your eyes as soon as it breaks. “I promise I’ll tell you if I want to stop, and I promise I won’t tell anypony about us, OK?”

She couldn’t have said it any more perfectly. Finally, upon nodding your head, she goes back to sitting on her bed, looking up at you with eager eyes. “OK, so I’m going to need you to lie down.”

“Like this?” she asks, lying on her back and spreading her lower legs just enough for you to perfectly see her vulva.

“Perfect! Now, I need you to spread your legs juuuuust a little bit.” Coconut Cream then nods her head, scooching back onto her pillow so she can prop up her head and spread her legs further apart, showing you the faint glimpse of pink between her lower lips. “Good. Now close your eyes. This might hurt a little at first.”

The filly then does as she’s told, squeezing her eyelids shut and breathing in deeply, showing signs of nervousness for the first time all night. The sight almost makes you stop right then and there, but this girl has done nothing but trust you since you first walked into her life, and if you decide not to trust her when she tells you that she’ll be open and honest with you, you’ll probably be doing more damage by not going through with it. Finally, you shake your head and fend off any of the inner voices telling you to stop, and as you spread her legs just a tiny bit more, you angle your shaft downwards and slowly allow the head of your dick into her vaginal opening. She flinches at first, taking in a deep breathe through her teeth as her face clenches, but once the initial shock wears off, her face finally begins to soften, allowing your dick to go deeper into her inner walls.

It seems like she’s starting to get in the mood even more than before, releasing small, quiet breaths as you navigate your way into her hole, pulling out softly to allow her vaginal tunnels to grind against your cock. Her wetness covers your member almost automatically, coating your skin with a thin lubricant that allows you to slide more easily between her folds, which gradually tighten around your shaft. As you slowly begin to move your hips back and forth, her clenched face begins to soften into relaxed arousal, lifting her hips automatically to allow you to further penetrate her below. Finally, as you place your hands on each side of her face, she begins to open her eyes, looking directly into yours as your pelvis thrusts in and out of her groin while the two of you breathe quietly.

“Anon,” she says between breaths. “I don’t think it’s working. I’m just getting hornier.”

“Do you like it, though?”

With another deep sigh escaping her lips, she nods her head vigorously, focusing her eye contact onto you while the rest of her body goes into autopilot. “It feels so good, Anon.”

“Then can I go deeper?”

“Yeah, I think I want that. I want you to go as deep as you can.”

As soon as she gives you permission, you angle your penis around her insides until you find the path to slide your cock in deeper, making her whole face contort in horny pleasure. There’s no doubt that she wants it now as she lifts her hips up higher to give you a better angle to slide your length in, and as you grab hold of her waist, she rocks her body forward to come harder together with every thrust. The silence in the room from earlier is quickly replaced by the sounds of your splashing crotches mixed with the soft moans coming from both of your mouths, tainting the lemony smell from earlier into a fragrance of lust. Her fillyhood is also beginning to throb tenderly against your cock, massaging your skin to the cadence of her heartbeat, but you’re too busy humping her as fast as you can to notice anything other than how tight she is around your length. As sweat begins to trickle down your skin from the physical workload you’re putting in, her breathing quickens, becoming more audible the faster you go between her thighs.

Then, without you even having to reposition yourself, she rolls onto her side, lifting her left leg against your abdomen as you literally fuck her sideways, producing a new overwhelmingly blissful sensation. Heat is now beginning to take effect, and with your body growing hotter thanks to the physical activity you’re doing, you momentarily take your hands off of Coconut Cream’s waist so you can remove your shirt, giving her an eyeful of your bare chest. Suddenly, she can no longer take her eyes off of your torso, spreading her legs wider unconsciously as her mouth opens up in arousal, turning her faint breaths into quiet moans.

“Ohhhhhh, Coconut Cream... You’re making me so hard right now.”

The filly you’re busy having sex with, however, giggles between her pleasurable sighs at the sight of your stupid face while you jam your cock in deeper. “You seem to really like being horny.”

You scoff at her remark, going in even deeper and causing her to moan from the surprising bliss between her legs. “Sounds like you’re enjoying it too.”

Just as she finishes her loud breath of arousal, however, she looks directly into your eyes and gives you her signature smirk, the same one that got her everything she’s wanted so far today, causing you to gulp in fear. “I bet I can make you hornier than you can make me.”

She probably can!

“Oh, yeah? We’ll just see about that.”

She grins at the sudden challenge, but right as soon as she looks like she’s going to hump you even harder, you grab her by the waist again, flip her over onto the bed and get onto your knees behind her, having sex with her doggy style. Her moans grow even louder in response as she becomes flushed with a lust that you can feel, biting down on your lip as her insides throb violently around your dick. She then bucks her hips backwards against your crotch just as hard as you plow your hips forward, making your balls tense up in excitement until you grab her again around her waist, gripping your fingers to release the internal pressure. You can’t let her win this easily, especially this early in the game! You can’t deny, though, that she’s legitimately making it more and more difficult to keep yourself from finishing inside her right in that instant.

Then, in a moment of desperation, you pull yourself out from between her legs, making her face turn back in protest before another sudden sensation causes her to moan even louder, sticking her hips up higher. Before you ejaculate, the least you can do is allow her to finish during her first time, so before you allow yourself to finish prematurely, you bring your head down to her nethers and slowly run your tongue between her folds. The sensation causes her to squeeze her legs together, tightening even more around your tongue while you firmly grasp her thighs, kissing her lower lips as you move your mouth across her fillyhood. Then, after searching desperately along the perimeter of her southern region, you finally find the keystone to her feminine anatomy, which you immediately put into your mouth, turning her moan into a scream.

“OK, you win!” she says breathlessly, digging her face into her pillow while you toy with her below. “You made me hornier! Just please, don’t stop!” To your surprise, however, her next breath becomes another scream, echoing through her room at a volume that you hope the neighbors don’t hear.

Even after you’ve won, though, you want to make sure she knows what the point of being horny really is, just so she’ll realize that there’s a sweet, sweet reward at the end of all this work. Then, just as she thinks you’ve hit the highest peak of her young libido, you sneak a finger back into her pussy, causing her to press her face into her pillow even further, just to dampen her high-pitched screams of pleasure as much as she can. Your finger may not be able to travel as deeply as your penis can, but once you add another finger to the mix, you create a thickness that would drive her crazy even if you weren’t licking her clitoris. Her legs are beginning to wobble back and forth to the point where it doesn’t seem like she can keep herself propped up for much longer, especially since she’s been lifting her hips as high as she can while you’ve been attacking her nerve endings from behind..

Finally, you shift your mindset to finishing her off, sticking both fingers in as deep as you can, moving them back and forth like a vibrator while your tongue flicks her nub with just as much energy. Her love nectar continues to surge through her insides, dripping out of her vagina just enough for you to happily drink it up as your mouth attends to her most sensitive spot. Even through her pillow, you can hear her coming close to the edge with her voice growing higher in pitch, screaming louder and more femininely after every short breath. The only thing you can do now is be patient, waiting for her hormones to send a rush of dopamine to her brain, although from the tension you’re feeling on your fingers as well as the buildup you can hear in her voice, you only have moments until she climaxes for the first time.

“Anon! It feels so good! I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna… AAAAHHHH!!!!”

Just as soon as you press a tense spot within her vagina, she begins to squirt arousal into your mouth, her entire lower half shaking as her hooves wobble to keep their balance. Her voice is no longer being contained by her pillow, now screaming loud for anypony walking by to hear, but honestly, the sound of her high-pitched voice is so enthralling that you don’t want to hold her back for a second. As you continue to lap up the love juices leaking out of her orifice, however, you can feel her inner tunnels grip and contract around your fingers, violently pulsing to the rhythm of her heartbeat. Everything about the situation is so enticing that you need to keep yourself from using your spare hand to reach below and finish yourself off before her orgasm subsides. Once she finally does calm down and begin to breathe normally again (or, at least breathe without her voice cracking), you then pull your face out of her nethers to look into her eyes with a smile.

“How was it?” you ask as if you don’t already know.

Then, putting a hoof over her mouth to hide how much she’s smiling and giggling, she simply says, “I liked it.”

“Then… is it OK if I finish too?”

Coconut, however, suddenly tilts her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

As you try to wrack your brain for a good way to explain things to her, though, you find that describing an orgasm for boys is a lot different than describing what it is for girls. “I mean, I’m going to put my… ‘thingy’ back inside, and I’m going to keep going until I feel as good as you just felt. Is that OK?”

Without wasting a moment, though, she bucks her hips back up and spreads her legs. “Yes, please.”

You don’t even waste a second getting back up to your knees so you can put your member back into the warm shelter of her insides, which greet your return with a soothing kiss. Your neck immediately knocks back as you grab her hips, feeling the wave of pleasure come back even stronger than before, threatening to take you over the edge before you even get started. Still, though, even knowing that the whole purpose of entering her is to cum, you still want to enjoy yourself for as long as you can, even if it only means a couple seconds longer. Just like before, her breathing begins to pick up, her voice quietly rising into an, “ah, ah, ahn~” as you return the feeling of pleasure between her legs, but that only brings you closer to orgasm. You’re trying your best to hold it back, but the sound of her voice coupled with the feeling on your cock and the sexy face she’s making would be enough to send you over the edge even before you made it this far. Before you allow your groin to think for you, however, you still need to make sure you communicate everything you need to with Coconut Cream.

“Hey, Coconut?”

“AHHH! Y-yes, Anon?”

“You know how earlier you said that somepony in your class has a crush on a dragon?”

“Yeah. MMMmmmmm… Why?”

“I was just wondering if you’ve ever heard of a pony and a dragon making a baby together.”

Finally, she looks back at you with an eyebrow raised. “Uhh… No? How come?”

“Because I’m about to put something inside you. I promise I’m not peeing and that this is something every boy does.”

“Y-you mean like how I accidentally squirted in your mouth?”

That does it. Just the thought of reimagining her orgasm so powerfully erupting through her body that it had to be expelled out in a wave out her vagina finally pushes you over the edge yourself. With one last thrust to insert yourself as deep as you can go, your dick shoots a hard blast of semen, painting her vagina white while your hips shake just as much as Coconut’s. The filly, though, even in her surprise, seems to enjoy the thrilling warmth in her hole, knocking her head back to sigh passionately as your penis pulses between her folds. The harder you push yourself inside her, the harder she pushes herself back, pulling the two of you closer together physically, just like how you’ve grown so much closer emotionally over the course of the night. Then, with your balls squeezing together for one final pulse, you finish cumming inside her, slowly pulling your dick out and enjoying the final sensation of her insides trying to pull you back in. Once your cock is all the way out, however, a small stream of cum still connects you to her filly lips, which slowly begin to leak out your sperm down her legs.

“Oh, boy,” you say, looking down at the both of you. “We might need to wash up.”

Then, with another feminine giggle, Coconut Cream sits down onto the bed next to you and nuzzles her head onto your shoulder, placing a soft kiss on your cheek. “Does that mean we get to take a bath together?”

“I think your brother would catch us before we finished round two. Speaking of which, what time is--OH SHIT!”

As Coconut Cream tilts her head in confusion, however, you fall to the floor, grabbing your shirt and pulling it over your head in a haste. Just as she’s about to ask you what’s going on, though, the sound of hoofsteps begins to reach her ears, making her jump in fear as you quickly pull your pants up to your waist.

“Yo, Anon? Coconut Cream? You in here?”

Suddenly, the door to Coconut Cream’s room opens up, revealing the two of you in the corner of her room, playing with her toys as if nothing had ever happened. Then, turning your heads to the side to see Bacon Sizzle peaking his head through the door, you both smile as wide as you possibly can, trying to pretend like this is what the two of you have been doing this whole time.

“Oh, Bacon Sizzle!” you say nervously. “Home so early?”

“Early? It’s 11:15 at night. Don’t tell me you were really having that much fun with my kid sister.” The two of you look at each other with tense expressions on your face that you hope he won’t notice, chuckling awkwardly, but before either of you need to make up an excuse, Bacon Sizzle starts sniffing at the air. “Heyyy… Is it just me or does it smell weird in here to you?”

“OH!” you say, looking around the room anxiously. “That’s because Coconut Cream and I were just… uh…”

“Having a farting contest!” she fills in for you, making you give her a weird look. “And Anon won!”

“Wait, why did I have to win?”

“Because you’re a boy and you’re smelly.”

Just as you’re about to argue with her further, however, Bacon Sizzle starts laughing, somehow believing the heinous (and slightly offensive) story that his sister just gave him. “Come on, Anon,” he says, motioning you to the other side of the door. “Let’s send Coconut Cream to bed while we have our up all night party.”

Just as soon as Bacon Sizzle starts walking towards his own room, however, you look back one final time at his little sister, who gives you a seductive wink before closing the door behind you. You certainly hadn’t anticipated the night starting off like this, and it ended in the last possible way you could have imagined. The weirdest part, though, was how things were going to be from now on. As you follow Bacon Sizzle back to his room to finish what’s probably going to be a crappy sleepover, you can’t help but wonder…

‘...Do I have a girlfriend now?’